A simple wish, to survive
by Rogercat
Summary: There is a reason to why Elwing was the last of the children born to Dior and Nimloth...


_It had been too close between the births. Far closer than what was common for Elves. The women in the Race of Men could survive pregnancy almost every year if they were blessed until the end of their fertile days, but Elves were different…_

"Nimloth?"

A tender, yet fearful whisper. She opened her eyes, the silver eyes of her so much younger husband greeting her.

"I am feeling better today, but still nowhere how I felt after the birth of our little boys," she admitted, raising a hand to caress his face. Dior almost looked ready to cry. The past days after the birth of Elwing had been difficult for everyone, because Nimloth had been so close to actually die in the childbirth. The little princess had been difficult to get out from the body of her mother because she was not in a good position, and the extended birth had taken much of Nimloth's strength.

"I am sorry, I am sorry…"

Of course Dior would blame himself, for getting her pregnant again only two years after the birth of´Eluréd and Elurín. That was the darker side of his possible mortality, he had grown into adulthood like his paternal race and yet at the same time, there had been pressure on him to marry and father his own heirs before he grew too old to manage such duties in bed.

Dior was only thirty-three years old, but Nimloth could feel the burdens he carried on his shoulder though their marriage bond. The unwanted Kingship he had inherited from Thingol only a few months ago, how people expected him to be able of heroic, almost impossible deeds like Luthien and Beren just because he was their son.

And now everything indicated that they would not have more children in the future, because Nimloth was too drained spiritually for another try even after recovery. Their sons had been the result of a easy-to-manage pregnancy, and they had not needed much of Nimloth's spiritual strength while in the womb despite being twins, instead only a few gentle pulls on her from time to time, much like how they were quiet, kind children who enjoyed simple things for their age.

But Elwing…

Where the boys had been like a welcoming rain after a hot summer day, their daughter had been like a unexpected storm in the worst of autumn. Some of the court healers believed it to the Maia blood from Melian, and Nimloth had felt it like that too as she had weakened greatly over the last months before birth. And what seemed to be the most painful for Dior without the risk of losing his beloved wife in childbirth, was how similar Elwing was in colouring to Luthien, who had passed away with Beren only a few weeks ago. His grief over losing his parents was still too raw in many way.

Again the difference between the First and Second Children have shown itself as this second pregnancy in their marriage had been draining on their both spiritually, why Elves needed more time between each birth of their offspring. The House of Thingol had gotten a new royal princess, but to the price of any sibling that could have followed her in age. Dior would likely be strong enough to sire a fourth child eventually, but not Nimloth.

"Dior, it is not your fault. She was begotten in love, not in duty to have more heirs. I refuse to leave you as a widower with three small children to care for, because I know that many of the courtiers here in Doriath will try and have you be married again, to one of their own daughters without giving you enough time to grieve."

He nodded weakly, now crying openly as he knelt at the edge of her bed, her hand held between both his own in a silent plea to not leave. He had been so terrified of losing Nimloth, betraying his youth and the belief that she would be the one losing a spouse as he grew old and following his ancestors to the unknown Path of Men.

"I do not want to lose you…"

So vulnerable, and yet he needed to pretend to be strong. Nimloth did not know why she had a ill feeling of doom as she tried to comfort him, that the Kingship of her husband would break their little family apart in some way.

No, it was the Quest for the Silmaril that would haunt them, she realized. A great love story, yes, but the remaining Noldor realms had many reasons to resent Luthien and Beren. The seven Sons of Fëanor viewed the Silmaril as a heirdoom from their father, and Luthien rejecting Celegorm as a suitor was another raw wound in their pride. Until its very Fall in the autumn of eight years ago, Nargothrond refused to have anything to do with Doriath, its last king Orodreth even sending a very frosty letter to Thingol that Luthien and Beren had been the reason for the death of his older brother Finrod, indirectly and yet directly on the same time.

"I need to stay alive. For both Dior and our shared children. If we are fated to suffer the consequences for the deeds of his grandfather and parents, then at least, we should fall together…"

That was a secret promise to herself that Nimloth refused to break, even if it would cost her life in the long run.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Author's note: Given that it is only three years between the birth of Eluréd and Elurín in the year 500, and Elwing in the year 503 of the First Age, along with that Elven pregnancy lasts for a year according to Tolkien's writings, one of my latest headcanons about the marriage between Dior and Nimloth is that Elwing was begotten and born "too close in age" to her twin brothers by Elven standards and that she possibly was a difficult pregnancy which took much of the spiritual strength Nimloth could have needed for future children.

I also think that Luthien rejecting Celegorm played a huge part in why Dior was killed by him, because Dior was the living proof of her choosing Beren over him.

And really, would any Kingdom be alright by their King dying as a result of a oath to help he once made to a ally, and a son of that person suddenly shows up with a request to basically help out in a suicide mission so that guy can marry a princess of another realm who have not offered much help in the wars against a common enemy before? No, I do not think the people of Nargothrond ever forgave Luthien and Beren for that Finrod died in the Quest for the Silmaril


End file.
